When a parent needs a care home and you live in different towns, one question comes up almost straight away: do you look for a home near you, so you can visit often, or near where they live now, so they stay among the places and people they know?
There is no single right answer. But there are a handful of things that usually tip the decision one way or the other, and a few practical rules worth knowing before you start, particularly if the move would cross a county or council boundary.
Why location matters more than it first seems
When families start looking at care homes, they tend to focus on the room, the food and the inspection report. All of those matter. Location often ends up mattering just as much, because it shapes how often your parent sees the people they love once they have moved in.
The NHS guidance on choosing a care home for someone with dementia puts two location questions near the top of its checklist: whether the home is near family and friends, and whether it has good transport links. You can read the full list on the NHS care homes page.
Research backs this up. A 2022 study of more than 4,350 relatives of care home residents, published in the Journal of the American Medical Directors Association, found that travel time had a clear negative effect on how often families visited. Weekly visits were most likely when the journey took less than an hour. The study was carried out in the United States, but anyone who has driven the A17 on a wet Friday in November will recognise the pattern.
On the other side of the scale sits familiarity. Moving home is a big change at any age, and for someone living with dementia, an unfamiliar town can make that change harder still.
The case for a care home near where your parent lives
Staying local keeps more of your parent's life intact. Their friends from church or the bowls club can still pop in. A neighbour of forty years can visit on market day. The views from the window, the local accent and the names of nearby villages all mean something.
For people living with dementia, those familiar reference points can be especially valuable. Long-term memories often stay stronger than recent ones, and conversations about the old sugar beet factory, a favourite pub or the flower parade give staff a natural way in.
A home near your parent tends to work best when:
- They still have an active circle of local friends who are likely to visit
- They have told you clearly that they want to stay in the area
- Other family members live nearby and can share the visiting
- They are living with dementia and still draw comfort from familiar places and people
The case for a care home near you
Being close changes the kind of involvement you can have. A twenty minute drive means you can drop in after work, sit with your parent through a quiet Sunday afternoon or get there quickly if they are unwell. A three hour round trip usually turns visits into occasional, planned events.
Being nearby also makes it easier to stay part of their care. You can attend reviews in person, notice small changes before they become big ones and build a working relationship with the staff who look after them every day.
A home near you tends to work best when:
- Your parent's local network has thinned out over the years
- You are, realistically, going to be their main visitor
- Their health is likely to change and you want to be on hand for appointments and decisions
- Your parent has said they would like to be closer to family
"The families who visit most often are rarely the ones who live closest on paper. They are the ones for whom the journey feels easy. We always suggest people think about the drive they will actually be doing on a weekday evening, not the miles on a map."
Home Manager, Kimberley Care Village
Is there a middle ground?
Very often, yes. Families tend to frame this as a straight choice between two towns, but the best answer is sometimes a home that sits within easy reach of both.
A simple way to test this is to list everyone who is likely to visit regularly, including your parent's closest friends, and note where each of them lives. Then look for homes that sit within roughly half an hour to forty five minutes of most of them. You may find the shortlist looks quite different from the one you started with.
This is something we see a lot at Kimberley Care Village in Long Sutton. The village sits on the Lincolnshire and Norfolk border, within easy reach of Spalding, Holbeach, Wisbech and King's Lynn. We regularly welcome residents whose families are split across those towns, and further afield towards Peterborough.
One daughter we supported was living in Peterborough while her mum was still in her bungalow in Holbeach. Her mum did not want to leave the Fens, and her daughter could not manage a long journey several times a week alongside work. Long Sutton turned out to be close enough to home for her mum to feel she had not left, and close enough for her daughter to visit three or four times a week.
Weighing it up
What your parent wants comes first
However the practical points stack up, this is your parent's home and their decision wherever possible. If they are able to make the choice themselves, the law is clear that it is theirs to make, even if the family would have chosen differently.
If your parent is living with dementia and can no longer make this decision, it should be made in their best interests. That means taking into account their past and present wishes, values and preferences, and involving the people close to them. If someone holds a Lasting Power of Attorney for health and welfare, they will usually have the authority to make the decision on your parent's behalf.
Even when someone can no longer weigh up all the details, it is worth asking simple questions. "Would you like to be nearer to us?" or "Do you want to stay near the church?" can tell you a great deal.
Moving to a care home in a different council area
This is where many families get stuck, so it is worth setting out how it works in England.
If your parent is paying for their own care
If your parent is self-funding, they are free to choose a care home anywhere. There is no need to involve the council in the choice of area, although a care needs assessment from the council is still free and can be useful.
One thing to plan for: if a self-funder moves to a home in a new area and their savings later run down, it is usually the council in the new area that becomes responsible for supporting them, not the one they moved from. It is worth asking any home you are considering how they handle a change from private to council funding.
If the council is arranging and funding the care
If the council is arranging your parent's care, they still have the right to choose a home in another council area. The Care and Support Statutory Guidance says councils must arrange the preferred home as long as:
- It is suitable for your parent's assessed needs
- It has a place available
- The provider is willing to agree a contract on the council's terms
- It does not cost more than the amount in your parent's personal budget, or a third party, usually a family member, agrees to pay the difference as a top-up
When setting the personal budget, the council should take into account the cost of care in the area where the chosen home is. Under the Care Act, the council that arranges the placement normally stays responsible for your parent's care, even though they now live in a different area. So the starting point is to speak to the council where your parent lives now.
Changing GP
Moving into a care home usually means registering with a GP practice that covers the home. A good care home will help arrange this and make sure medication and records transfer smoothly, so it is worth asking how they handle it.
How to test the decision before committing
A few practical steps can save a lot of second guessing later.
Do the journey at the times you would really visit. A drive that takes twenty five minutes on a Sunday morning can take much longer at five o'clock on a weekday, especially on Fen roads in winter.
Visit with your parent if you can. Let them see the town, the view from the lounge and the garden. Watch how they respond to the place, not just the room.
Consider a short respite stay first. A respite stay lets your parent experience daily life in the home for a week or two before anyone commits to a permanent move. It is one of the most reliable ways to find out whether a place feels right, for them and for you.
Ask how the home keeps families in touch. If some relatives will be further away, ask about video calls, phone updates and how the staff share news between visits.
"Distance matters less when families feel properly involved. Some of our most closely connected relatives live an hour or more away. They phone us regularly, join video calls with their mum or dad, and know they will hear from us straight away if anything changes."
Deputy Manager, Kimberley Care Village
Finding a home that works for everyone
Choosing between a care home near you and one near your parent is rarely a simple yes or no. In our experience, the families who feel most settled with their decision are the ones who worked out who would be visiting, how often and how easily, and then put their parent's wishes at the centre of it.
If your family is spread across South Lincolnshire, the Fens or West Norfolk, Kimberley Care Village in Long Sutton may sit closer to everyone than you expect. We provide residential care, dementia care and respite stays, and we are always happy to talk through your situation, including how a move from another area would work. You are welcome to get in touch to arrange a visit at a time that suits you.
Frequently asked questions
Can my parent move to a care home in a different county?
Yes. If they pay for their own care, they can choose any home. If the council arranges their care, they have the right to choose a home in another area, provided it meets their needs, has a place, accepts the council's terms and fits the personal budget or a top-up is agreed.
Will my parent lose council funding if they move out of the area?
No. When a council arranges a care home placement in another area, it normally remains responsible for funding and reviewing that care. Speak to the council where your parent currently lives before making any arrangements.
Is it harder for someone with dementia to settle in an unfamiliar area?
It can be, but it is not the only factor. Regular visits from close family, familiar belongings in their room and staff who take the time to learn their life story can all make a new place feel like home. For many families, more frequent visits outweigh the benefit of staying in a familiar town.
How far away is too far for a care home?
There is no fixed rule, but research suggests families are much more likely to visit at least weekly when the journey takes under an hour. Think about travel time at the times you would really visit, rather than the distance in miles.
